We’ve got more festive jokes that you can shake a turkey drumstick at. The humble cracker joke is a tradition held over Christmas dinners across the UK. So ahead of the big day, we’ve rounded up enough wise-cracks to keep you laughing through the season of goodwill. Whether you want to pull a groan-inducing dad-joke out of the bag or show of your pun-prowess with a genuinely funny one-liner, we’ve got you covered. Take your pick from our list of festive quips ready for Christmas and keep the laughs coming – suitable for both children and adults. Why was the turkey in the pop group? Because he was the only one with drumsticks! What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle. Why did the choir have to cancel their carol concert?
Miley Cyrus gag tops list of ten new Christmas jokes
TV channel Gold ran a Twitter competition to give a much-needed modern update to the traditional and tired cracker joke, and the results are in. The top 10 includes references to the Queen, a controversial pop star and, of course, Mary and Joseph, and was compiled from the results of a 2,strong poll. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger. How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed?
Twerky” has topped a list of favourite new festive jokes for Christmas Crackers. The pun about the pop star and her gyrating stage act got nearly a quarter of all votes beating “Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer” to second place. Other modern witticisms about the Queen and speed dating also made it in the top ten, with laughs about Harry Styles, Shakespeare and Fairy Liquid just missing out on the top spots.
Comedy channel Gold challenged comedians to write their own original festive jokes and submit them via Twitter for a competition to revamp the Christmas cracker joke. My jokes are too rude? Pull the other one.
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Everyone loves a Christmas cracker joke. And Glasgow jokes are always the best. Christmas is the time of year when family come together and cheesy comedy becomes acceptable again. Impress your family this festive season with our selection of extra cheesy Glasgow Christmas cracker jokes. Why wasn’t Jesus born in Glasgow?
You can always delete saved cookies by visiting the advanced settings of your browser. Do not accept Accept. Dec 4 th. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Because they were two deer What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?
The Elf-abet What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf?
These are 100 funny (and very cheesy) Christmas cracker jokes
Brits love Christmas cracker jokes, yes even the most cringe-worthy ones. And now the worst one ever has been decided. The snap of a cracker, a paper hat-that-never-quite-fits and the inevitable reading out of your Christmas cracker jokes are all synonymous with the festive family get together. It makes sense really as, according to a poll of Brits, more than a third of us love Christmas crackers. How to make a Christmas cracker Alternative Christmas crackers.
After 72 per cent of the country said they thought Christmas cracker jokes were outdated a group of comedians came up some alternative gags.
Christmas is one of the jolliest times of the year. So what better time to roll out some amusing gags? From fun modern Christmas cracker jokes to sometimes hilarious festive puns, these should entertain children, friends and relatives at parties and family gatherings. Receive the best of i in our teatime newsletter — sign up here. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? They had a weigh in a manger! What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Pull the other one – funny, cheesy and classic Christmas cracker jokes
Some go on a hunt for the chunk of plastic that flew off somewhere across the table to find out if it was a novelty moustache, trinket or toy. We reckon the thing the British people look forward to the most is the slip of paper which is often wedged inside the remnants of the cracker. Apparently, the two or three lines of groan inducing humour printed on that paper are designed to help bring people together.
Cheesiness is a universal language and as long as they are not offensive and everyone can understand them, then you have an air of harmony to go with the mass consensus at how bad the jokes are.
What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
The annual Christmas episode of LEP is here! Explaining 29 truly awful jokes that you might get in a Christmas cracker this year. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Jokes that you find in Christmas crackers. So, this is an episode about Christmas Cracker Jokes, which are awful. What are Christmas crackers, Luke? Cracker jokes usually have some kind of Christmas theme, or at least some kind of seasonal theme like something involving snow or other festive images.
Christmas cracker jokes are almost always awful, cringeworthy puns, but I quite like that, personally. Christmas cracker jokes are much more likely to make you groan than laugh, although if you are in the right mood, some of them might catch you by surprise and could make you LOL during your Christmas holiday or should I call that the Christmas LOLiday.
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Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a laugh-out-loud joke before your turkey dinner. We have been busy compiling the top 40 cracker jokes of the year, with them ranging from the hilarious to the harrowing. An earlier version of this story appeared on Wales Online. By Mike Smallcombe Reporter. Never miss a big story in Cornwall again with our daily newsletter Sign me up!
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What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? What does Santa’s little helper learn at school? The undoubted star of the show though is Romelu Lukaku, who sells his joke in such a way that Sylvain Distin bursts out laughing.
The most cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes have been selected in a poll of Brits. A mince spy! A Christmas cracker! I am hoping my joke upgrades will have Brits cracking up around the country on Christmas Day. Researchers also found that one in three Brits say that a Christmas cracker is one of the festive traditions they secretly love along with Christmas music and carols and cheesy Christmas jumpers. More than two in three of us say that crackers will be part of the normal Christmas Day for them.
However, eight in 10 families say they only pull Christmas crackers because they are in keeping with festive traditions. The most popular Christmas cracker gift is a mini torch, followed by a set of small screwdrivers. Gifts See All. Food and Drink See All. Crafts See All. Traditions See All.